


shitposting

by gogh_away



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Multi, Pidge skipped two grades, keith is in his first year at uni, none of them are straight, shatt has graduated, so shes a senior with allura lance and hunk, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-13 23:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gogh_away/pseuds/gogh_away
Summary: mario: katie what the fuck is goodluigi: ???mario: your heathen of a lizard is on my pillow i just wanted a peaceful weekend home and i get thisluigi: arthur isn't a heathen you shit headmario: swearing? in my good christian suburbs?thedadfriend: Matt eat shit, all you do is swear.





	1. lance dies™

**Author's Note:**

> theblackparade - keith  
> mermaidboi - lance  
> hunkalunk - hunk  
> luigi - pidge  
> mario - matt  
> iconic - allura  
> thedadfriend - shiro
> 
> i shouldn't be doing this i'm working on two other fics but here i am. i'm gonna leave their lgbt stuff here.  
> keith - aroace.  
> pidge - ace + lesbian.  
> allura - lesbian.  
> hunk - pan.  
> matt - gay + transboy  
> lance - bi + transboy  
> shiro - bi + ace.

_**luigi**_ _added **hunkalunk, iconic, mario, mermaidboi, theblackparade,**_ _and **thedadfriend**_ _to_ **_queers™_**

 ** _luigi_** : okay queers we finally have a group chat.

 ** _hunkalunk_** : i can't tell if this will be an awful or amazing idea.

 ** _mermaidboi_** : obviously its both.

 ** _mario_** : katie what the fuck is good

 ** _luigi_** : ???

 ** _mario_** : your heathen of a lizard is on my pillow i just wanted a peaceful weekend home and i get this

 ** _luigi_** : arthur isn't a heathen you shit head

 ** _mario_** : swearing? in my good christian suburbs?

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Matt eat shit, all you do is swear.

 ** _mario_** : she's f i f t e e n

 ** _luigi_** : one of my earliest memories is from when i was five and you swore in front of me and you were 15 at the time

 ** _mario_** : eat ass

 ** _iconic_** : I would say you all are childish but I act the same way.

 ** _mermaidboi_** sent cutie.jpeg to queers™

 ** _mermaidboi_** : look at my fucking

 ** _mermaidboi_** : beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, talented boyf at work in welding

 ** _theblackparade_** : Why are you in the welding room?

 ** _mermaidboi_** : our class got split up I not different class rooms because we couldn't get a sub for coran fast enough

 ** _mermaidboi_** : and i got placed with the best boy in the world <3

 ** _luigi_** : gross you two are too cute for me

 ** _iconic_** : I strive for Hunk and Lance's relationship.

 ** _thedadfriend_** : @ Matt we need to take notes.

 ** _mario_** : high schoolers cant beat us

 ** _theblackparade_** : They can and they will.

 ** _theblackparade_** : No one can beat Hunk and Lance.

 ** _theblackparade_** : Hance if you will.

 ** _hunkalunk_** : y'all lance is fucking dead everyone in the class is staring at him while he's laying on the floor straight up dead.

 ** _luigi_** : he's lucky we're not in iversons

 ** _thedadfriend_** : That asshole still works there?

 ** _iconic_** : Yea but he teaches math now. Hunk, Lance, Pidge, and I all have him for second.

 ** _mario_** : i love seeing katie is with you guys

 ** _mario_** : my smart and beautiful sister who skipped two grades

 ** _mermaidboi_** : pidge is one of the smartest people i know

 ** _theblackparade_** : Who are the others?

 ** _mermaidboi_** : hunk and my queen allura.

 ** _iconic_** : @ lance <3

 ** _mermaidboi_** : @ allura <3

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Keith you're km class get off your phone.

 ** _theblackparade_** : No fuck you.

 ** _luigi_** : i can feel shiro giving his phone the dad look.

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Keith you have to pay attention.

 ** _theblackparade_** : Hunk, Lance, Allura, and Pidge are all in class too.

 ** _thedadfriend_** : They're all heathens and also I'm your brother.

 ** _theblackparade_** : Fine.

 ** _mario_** : you should get off your phone is class katie

 ** _luigi_** : no eat shit matt

 ** _mario_** : i tried

 ** _thedadfriend_** : You asked once?

 ** _mario_** : 1) she is a goblin who can't be controlled

 ** _mario_** : 2) i don't care if she's on her phone or not because she's smart and can multitask

 ** _luigi_** : a true friend

 ** _mermaidboi_** : f u c k

 ** _iconic_** : ??

 ** _mermaidboi_** : its hunk

 ** _thedadfriend_** : What happened to Hunk?

 ** _mermaidboi_** : he's jut fucking,,, has the nerve

 ** _mermaidboi_** : to be perfect,, and fucking exist

 ** _mermaidboi_** : he just fucking like did the half laugh thing he does

 ** _mermaidboi_** : and smiled really big and blushed

 ** _mermaidboi_** : and looked at me with stars in his eyes

 ** _mermaidboi_** : i can't fucking breath you guys

 ** _hunkalunk_** : i think i killed him

 ** _hunkalunk_** _sent_ **_HEDEAD.jpeg_** _to_ **_queers™_**

 ** _luigi_** : hes about to cry isn't he

 ** _hunkalunk_** : a tear just rolled down his cheek

 ** _iconic_** : I'm so fucking done with you two. How are you guys so in love?

 ** _hunkalunk_** : we've know know each other since we were five and started dating summer before freshman year

 ** _mermaidboi_** : we had our three year anniversary on my birthday

 ** _hunkalunk_** : i fucking love you so much

 ** _mermaidboi_** : i love you too

 ** _mario_** : we're never gonna beat them shiro

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Thats true we never will.

 ** _luigi_** : have you guys told your parents yet?

 ** _mermaidboi_** : we told hunks moms halfway through sophomore year but we're gonna tell my parents this winter

 ** _mario_** : are you nervous?

 ** _mermaidboi_** : yea

 ** _hunkalunk_** : we know they accept lgbt people considering lance has already came out once to the and they love matt and shiro but we're still nervous. telling my lesbian moms was easier than telling his straight parents.

 ** _luigi_** : we get you fam

 ** _mario_** : we got your back

 ** _iconic_** : Y'all are going to be fine and its going to turn out fantastic. Coran can come and help if you want. He offered to come to have adult help.

 ** _mermaidboi_** : why isn't he here? and aren't you at school how do you know?

 ** _iconic_** : Lance he is literally my uncle I'm texting him right now. Also he got really sick like two minutes before 1st period started so Mr. Ulaz made him go home.

 ** _theblackparade_** : DID SOMEONE SAY THE NAME OF MY FATHER?????

 ** _luigi_** : WHAT THE FUCK YOU WEREN'T EVEN READING THE CHAT?

 ** _theblackparade_** : I LOVE MY DADS THATS WHY

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Sometimes I forget that Ulaz and Thace adopted Keith.

 ** _theblackparade_** : I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH THEY'RE SUCH GOOD DADS I LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS SHIRO

 ** _thedadfriend_** : They really are both such good people.

 ** _iconic_** : You guys wanna come over for dinner this weekend? Coran is inviting all of you and Keith is coming down for the weekend so he's inviting Ulaz and Thace.

 ** _theblackparade_** : IM DOWN

 ** _theblackparade_** : IM SO EXCITED TO SEE MY DADS

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Keith its been a week

 ** _theblackparade_** : EAT ASS I LOVE MY DADS

 

 


	2. arthur the goblin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> matt wants to die™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 12 years and i'm not sorry (i'm so sorry)

_**mario**_ _to_ _**queers™**_

 ** _mario_** : arthur the goblin has struck again

 ** _luigi_** : i may be a goblin but my lizard sure fucking isn't, what are you accusing him of?

 ** _mario_** : he shit on my pillow

 ** _luigi_** : lies you shit on your own pillow

 ** _mario_** : why?? the fuck?? would i do that??

 _ **thedadfriend**_ : You did once when you were 5.

 ** _mario_** : S H I R O S T O P E X P O S I N G M E

 ** _iconic_** : a little off topic but the new girl has my gay ass dead

 ** _hunkalunk_** : shay!! my queen! i love her!! she's my platonic wife! like you and lance!

 ** _iconic_** : You know her?

 ** _hunkalunk_** : she used to come here every summer.

 _ **iconic**_ : Hmu with her number.

 ** _hunkalunk_** : i got you.

**_\-----_ **

**_mario_** : ARTHUR THE GOBLIN STRIKES AGAIN

 ** _luigi_** : IM PISSING KYSLEF I CANT BREATHE

 ** _luigi_** : MATT HAD TO FEED HIM EARLIER AND GAVE ARTHUR TOO MUCH FOOD I THINK

 ** _luigi_** : AND WHILE MATT WAS HOLDING HIM FOR ME ARTHUR FUCKING THREW UP ON HIM

 ** _mermaidboi_** : s e n d p i c s

 ** _luigi_** : i got you fam

 ** _luigi_** _sent_ **_bitterboi.jpeg_** _to_ **_queers™_**

 ** _mermaidboi_** : I CAN'T BREATHE

 ** _hunkalunk_** : lance is fucking dead rip my boyf

 ** _hunkalunk_** : his laugh is so cute for a goblin

 ** _theblackparade_** : iwkdjcjdi

 ** _theblackparade_** : All of us are fucking goblins except our queen Allura.

 ** _iconic_** : False, Hunk is not a goblin.

 ** _thedadfriend_** : That's true.

 ** _hunkalunk_** : false i am a goblin

 ** _iconic_** : Rest in Peace Hunk Garret. He was one of them best people I have ever met.

 ** _thedadfriend_** : ???

 ** _iconic_** : We're studying at Lances for a physics test and it was like Lance could sense Hunk called himself a goblin and well...

 ** _iconic_** _sent_ **_RipHunk.JPEG_** _to_ **_queers™_**

 ** _theblackparade_** : Rest in piece

 ** _theblackparade_** : ALSO I'M ALMOST IN TOWN I'M GONNA SEE MY DAD'S

 ** _theblackparade_** : SHIRO ARE YOU AT THE HOUSE??

 ** _thedadfriend_** : Yea I am.

 ** _theblackparade_** : GODSPEED

**_\-----_ **

**_mario_** : OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

 ** _mario_** : BACK AGAIN WITH AN UPDATE ON ARTHUR THE GOBLIN

 ** _luigi_** : stop soiling his good name

 ** _mario_** : HE WON'T GET OFF MY HOMEWORK

 ** _mario_** : I JUST WANT TO LIVE

 ** _mario_** : S A V E M E

 ** _luigi_** : i'm on my way home right now

 ** _luigi_** : hance + allura is with me

 _ **mermaidboi**_ : i'm omw to ruin your life

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda bad but like not that bad and also very short

**Author's Note:**

> i fucking hate myself this is so bad but have it anyways. also for referance,  
> shiro and keith are basically brothers in this and the two were in the same home and when shiro turned 18 the parents put Keith back in the system and shiro didn't have enough money/a stable enough job to take him in. since shiro was already really good friends with matt at this point he told matt about it and matt told shiro that ulaz and thace were looking to adopt a kid. a long year later and they had an angsty 13 year old named keith.


End file.
